Wednesday, January 26, 2011

inspiration

the thing about art that nike could never understand, is that there is no "just do it."

rutledge and i were involved in a 50 comment facebook thread about not feeling inspired to do art, but wanting to create something so bad, it hurt.

one of the comments on the thread was from a friend of rut's who told us both, "well, just do it then!"

it's not that easy. when i force myself to create, i often look at what i attempted to create and realize what a complete train wreck it is. then the anxiety and what we call the "duomo effect" begin.

there's a certain feeling of emptiness when i can't create because i know it's going to be junk. there are days in a row that i tell myself not to even try... "lyn, if you pick up that pencil whatever you do is going to look like trash."

the contrived art, or, art that you have to think about when creating it, is, for lack of a better term, poop.

i wish dadams, senior clayton, babbo keller, and bev would send me prompts every week or two so i could at least have some where to start from.

on saturday afternoon i spent hours pouring over photos from italy, dallas, and nashville, trying desperately to be inspired... didn't work.

then i forced myself to pick up some chalk pastels... i know, even after the mantra of "lyn, it's going to be complete crap..." i made myself sit down in front of a piece of water color paper with a big smudge of chalk pastel on it from another project.

i started with some yellow. then to some purple. i was ok with it at this point and should have just walked away... but didn't. i grabbed a garish blue, grey, red, and the worst mistake of all... black. ugh.

i drew a figure that had been in my head and did patches of colors swirling everywhere... i almost threw up it was so disgusting. i picked up a stenciling paint brush and began to blend the colors together, brown, great...

i became mad at the paper. how could it let me do this?

i ran my hands over the paper to blend everything together to get rid of the figure and the swirls and then took a wheat colored yellow and drew a straight line through the middle of the page, filling in everything below the line with that color, trying to hide my horrifying attempt at creation... then filled the top half with blue.

wheat field? florence sky line? make something up?

i thought of a photo i had taken in italy and feverishly began searching for it over the next day and a half. when i finally found the photo, it looked nothing like i thought it did. ugh again.

still have the half yellow, half blue piece of paper... still stewing over what to do with it.

so today, i thought of a tree.  and painted it. i don't completely hate it. maybe i'm on the road to recovery...

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